On Singleness…

Hello friends, after a long hiatus from writing on the blog this year of 2023, I am back with a post about singleness.

Now you might say, who is she to be talking about singleness, she is no expert to be writing. To be honest I do get a bit of imposter syndrome after I publish my blog posts from time to time, not all the time but sometimes. And the reason for my blog is to share with you my dearest readers, what I am learning and my ideas.

So on to the topic, singleness…the word that is either loved by some and hated by others. And that is understandable. Singleness can be a season that can be both pleasant and enjoyable, but also disliked and something even distasteful to some.

Why am I writing about singleness? Well because I am a single straight woman, and wanted to share some of my thoughts on what it is like to be a single woman in your 30s, or what it is like to be me, haha.

You know obviously no one decides one day, Oh out of all the things I can be I will delibrately choose to be single and not married! No, sir, no.
Many of us women and I believe men do as well, want to be married and start a family with their beloved. But the way things are going in our society, there are less people getting married and there are increasingly more people living alone and single (without a partner).

My question to the experts would be, why is this happening? But this post is not about quoting research and statistics. I would like to share my story.

To me Sara, it seems that many of the people who are married do not understand or have forgotten the loneliness and grief that comes with being single for a season, and sometimes an even longer than usual season. Because God made us all different, he has given us different stories and life paths to us all, I believe. So some might have gotten married at age 19 o 24 and others at 30 or 45 with countless of different variations and different life stories.

For me the questions you ask God especially come haunting at night, when I am in bed ready for sleep to take me to the land of dreams, but sometimes sleep does not come, and you are filled with worries and questions… It is hard to not have your loved one there to give you wings or encouragement, and you have to give yourself the encouragement after crying by yourself.

I am not saying it is all bad, yeah we have more freedom to do and go where we want to without need for worry about our spouse and kids, we can devote more time to help or volunteer, to further our careers as well, nothing wrong or bad about that either. But life is not meant to be lived alone, and I do believe God made us for companionship.

Maybe there are those who prefer to be single and do deliberately choose to stay single for the rest of their lives. But I know in my heart of hearts that God made me for marriage, and therefore I am waiting on God for His perfect time. Which is why I am single, not by choice, but because God wanted it so for now…

This is hard to write being single. But I wanted to jot down my thoughts and how it feels like to me now.

Some may say, oh, women need marriage because they need a provider and protector! And I agree, but I believe there are many other reasons why someone would want marriage for their lives.

“I say,
No, I need him for more than that, I need him for his company, his emotional support, and his fully embodied presence. I need his correction, and his insights, his love, his affection and devotion…
It is hard for me to sometimes want to keep going , even though I know good things are hard and are worth it. Especially when no one or it feels like no one is on my same wavelength or can undestand me or where I am coming from. I know God knows, but like my favorite author Elisabeth Elliot once said, “it was woman who was created for man, not the man for the woman.”

For Adam had not found His equal companion, though he had many animals around him to keep him company, none was found. It wasn’t until God made Adam fall into a deep sleep and took bone from his rib cage and made a woman, that Adam after seeing her exclaimed,
This is now bone of my bones,
And flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man.

So you can say that yes I do long for him, my future one. And pray for him. I’m not embarressed to admit it. It is a normal and an honest admition lol. And singleness is not easy as some think and have forgotten.

But most of all I want God’s will for my life and I will wait in Him alone. For He has been with me all of my life and has guided and protected me along the way, the only One who, will ever love me so unconditionally and perfectly. The only One who understands me to my core, my desires and hopes and dreams. My regrets and failures, and yet He loves Me so much. Thank you Lord Jesus Christ, for your unfailing love for me, for us.

“O God, you are my God; I earnestly search for you. My soul thirsts for you; my whole body longs for you in this parched and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in your sanctuary and gazed upon your power and glory. Your unfailing love is better than life itself; how I praise you! I will praise you as long as I live, lifting up my hands to you in prayer. You satisfy me more than the richest feast. I will praise you with songs of joy. I lie awake thinking of you, meditating on you through the night. Because you are my helper, I sing for joy in the shadow of your wings. I cling to you; your strong right hand holds me securely.

But those plotting to destroy me will come to ruin. They will go down into the depths of the earth. They will die by the sword and become the food of jackals. But the king will rejoice in God. All who swear to tell the truth will praise him, while liars will be silenced.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭63‬:‭1‬-‭11‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Whatever your status is…married or single… May you be blessed and may you find your hope in Him, Jesus Christ.
Who gave His life and rose from the dead for you and me, so that we might become righteous before God. Jesus is always interceding for us before the Lord God Almighty, if we put all our trust in Him, Jesus.
Only He can satisfy all our longings and desires.

I hope you enjoyed this post! Until next time friends!

Sara R.

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